Well here I sit with it almost being Christmas and coming to end of another year – 2018, and I ask myself what was 2018 to me?
This year I really wanted to find my passion, find something that I was really excited about (and stayed excited more than a few weeks or months), that fulfilled me……….and it saddens me to say that I haven’t – yet.
I am still struggling to find that something that gets me excited, that I love talking about, that uses up my spare time and energy, like Beauje did….and I think that is the nub of the issue – Beauje was all-encompassing for over 14 years – it was my focus, it was my creativity, it was my passion, it strengthened Joanne’s and my friendship, Anthony was involved too when needed and it took up all of my spare time – and now ……..
So this year I have ‘dabbled’ with –
- I have been a volunteer with Share the Dignity this year – from a Shero to a Collection Queen, to Team Leader for a Bunnings store, to organiser of the Cocktail Party – and whilst I thoroughly believe in the cause and want to give back to the community, I just don’t feel the warm and fuzzies that I expected.
- Flowers – I completed a four week Floral Basics course and did love this – it felt like I could incorporate some creativity into my designs, but whilst learning proper techniques. I have done a few arrangements for home and also made the table centrepieces for a recent fundraiser of Joanne – I do enjoy this (and will likely to continue).
- Instagram – I have been consistently posting my OOTD’s (Outfits of the Day), but I often think ‘why’ – I feel like I am just on the band wagon like everyone else – my outfits/style is really no different to other ladies – I don’t have a huge following so don’t get a lot of free stuff, but also that’s not what I want to do.
- This Blog – every so often I get all excited about topics I would like to write about, especially whilst on holidays – so I come home and jot down the basics, but then I think……..does anyone really want to read my thoughts – Blogs are meant to be either entertaining, educational or empowering – not sure mine ‘cut the mustard’.
- Work – I do love my 4 day week-ends, with 3 days work mid-week, but really my role doesn’t need 3 days……and I cant just sit at work and get paid if I don’t have anything to do – so I end up sometimes only working 2 days in a week. I enjoy when I relieve in my old role, on a short-term basis – I don’t want to go back to full-time work.
- Photography – Anthony has tried to teach me how to use the camera properly, and I have uploaded some photos to Adobe Stock images for sale and a few have sold yeah, but again just something I’ve tried out.
So as you can see, my mind just doesn’t seem to be settled – I am jumping from one thing to another to try and find my ‘happy place’. I have however just started writing in a journal – my thoughts for each day, in case something jumps out and I go ‘aha I’d love to do that’. Please don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life, a loving husband who supports me in everything I do or want to do, a great trip with year, my health is fine, and we now have the beautiful Coco – I just need to find ‘my passion’.
Does anyone else have this struggle, or am I just being silly?